On Parenthood in 3 Breaths.

BREATH DEEP

INHALE. My son broke an egg and I asked why were you holding an egg at 10pm were you making an omelette? No,

Then why were you holding an egg? Nevermind dad, so after a long investigation I finally asked "can you just tell me why you were holding an egg ?" and he said "don't be mad but I just wanted to hold an egg" and another time we were in the room my wife and I and the boy was taking a shower and suddenly we hear knocking on the walls I go ask my son what the knocking is and he says I don't know but I see he's lying so I ask what's the story why did you knock on the wall and he tells me for no reason then I told him okay let's talk about it in the room so he gets dressed and comes in with my wife next to me I ask him is everything okay did you knock on the wall because you wanted to check something or because you felt obligated and he says he felt obligated so I asked him are you sure and he says no maybe it's because I was singing in the shower so I told him ahh I understand and you knocked with the music? Yes, and did you feel embarrassed? Yes.

INHALE. I burst into a speech and I explained to him that I was a child once too and that I did all the things he does too and that there is nothing in the world he can't tell me and I told him embarrassing things about myself and what I did as a child and then I got to the story that when I was 5 I was with my mom in the supermarket and I stole a snack but I showed her after we left to get her attention and how now I know I did it for attention but back then it was quite stupid because she was supposed to be mad at me and I wanted to tell him that my mom was Angry at me but the truth is that she barely cared so instead I told him In short, I stole and my mom barely cared what a piece of shit your grandma is.

INHALE

After he left my wife was staring me down for my final words and I told her that was parenting at its best until about the last sentence.