Red Beetle - 3

Biton is an interesting guy. He is half Moroccan half Polish jew. he looks like what Jesus would look like in shows that try to be woke and present the son of god as the "real" him - a dark, long nosed caricature-like scruffy Jew. His mother worked for the prison system well into her 60s while his dad has looked like a jagged-85-year-old-slouched-on-sofa-with-smoke-in-hand-and-whiskey-in-the-other from the day I met him. He could have been 55, he could have been 105. it was all the same.

One time, Biton and I went on a buddy trip to America. Just the 2 of us. Biton got his bag stolen before we even left the bus from the airport. He immediately said it was one of the black passengers and I told him not to be racist and that they all look the same anyway. We laughed for a bit. But his bag was gone.

We had fun on that trip. Miami beach, Orlando Magic NBA game, ruined a senior trip of older people to Washington D.C monuments, and finally New York. Biton saved my life there in Times Square. I walked into traffic and he pulled me by the shirt and saved me from death. I kept speaking as if I'd have been fine anyway and its no big deal. But he saved my life back then.

Anyway, we brought from new york a souvenir - a hot sauce called "Kickass Habanero" or something like that. Our 2 donkey asses come from the province of first world countries, not the capitol. We have never seen such hot sauces in Israel. Tabasco was the peak of global pride there. And the bottle we got was like 3rd grade most spiciest scale of something and it has a picture of a donkey kicking you in the face to symbolize that this sauce will kick you like a donkey.

After we came back from the trip we went downstairs once to check the fridge. Biton's dad was slouched on the soft with a smoke in one hand and coca cola in the other. We opened the fridge and found this sauce from our trip and took it out saying how we are legends and nobody will believe the level of spiciness we have brought to this country, from America. We were interrupting his dad from watching his 14 inch TV and he said "hey, what are you guys doing there?".

Biton said: "oh dad yeah, this is a hot sauce we got from America. its the spiciest in the world, even for you"

His dad said: "let me have a look at it"

So we gave him the bottle. He looked at the closed cap, the donkey kicking. he couldn't read English.

He then opened the cap and without even smelling it, he put it on his lips and chin up - he took 3 huge gulps of donkey kicks, halved the bottle and said: "yep, its a bit spicy" and walked away.

We learned that day the meaning of "Everything is Relative".